Terms of success, a recluse in the making...

Among other priorities in life I have been trying to come to grips with what I deem "success". Family and friends would and probably will continue to argue that I am a successful artist. They say this whenever I say that I have been an utter failure. They always argue that it depends on how a measure success.

To this I say, "If I can't afford the life necessities, and a few creature comforts along with shelter, food, and clothing along with supplies to keep on creating... Well, than I am a failure and thus, unsuccessful."

Although recently I have been pondering the idea of success in general. I have been thinking that maybe I am just not meant for success, or, rather maybe I should just throw the idea of success to the wind like I did with caution so many years ago. It is a difficult notion to erase the idea of success. How else does one measure one's own life, but through achievements and failures. Whether it be personal, professional, or in the abstract. One way or another the measure of success equates the entirety of our lives.

People want better cars, nicer homes, a closer family, healthier lives, promotions, a more fulfilled everything. All of this is the measure of success. One cannot wander aimlessly through life without seeking success of any kind. For the few that lead this lifestyle are the homeless, hopeless, and insane.

I think my goal is to no longer worry about when or how my success as an artist will be measured. I no longer care. That pretentiousness and ego driven side of me has been systematically erased and humbled. Success in art... Don't really care. I honestly, a Big Bacon Classic from Wendy's with a Biggie Coca Cola sounds more fulfilling.

My thinking is that maybe to be a great artist one must longer be concerned with being great. My old frame of mind would have been to be the best one has to put on an air of being the best. Now, I no longer care. Anybody can talk and impress. I will just produce work that I am confident in and hang it on a wall. I will not concern myself with the emptied hollow pretentiousness of finding "Galleries" or "Where's my market" I will make my art the way I want to. The way I think it should be done and if it fits into someone's event and they want it so be it, but until that moment (if it ever comes) I will make art only for myself, or of lucky patrons that have found out about me.

I guess what I am saying is that I am withdrawing from the HUSTLE of the art world which I used to find so intriguing. Now it bores me and I would much rather be left to my own devices in seclusion away from the rest of the known world, in my little neck of the woods creating possibly the most ground breaking, contemporary art that no one may ever see... That sounds just fine to me.

I'll make my pictures, do my sculptures, write my poetry, produce plays, create screen plays, and hide away in the world that is my own. Being a man of absurd rationale and logic, me thinks this to be the most rational conclusion to an irrational path.

That of an artist.