Another 2010 Goal bites the dust...

In your face Unproductive self... Even on a day of rest I pumped out my poetry book to the masses. It isn't available for mass distribution yet, but it will be. Right now it is only available via my website www.umcstudios.com under the section called poetry on the opening page.

Even God took the seventh day off, but there is no rest for the artist. Until I can afford the luxury of being lazy I have no choice, but to produce, produce, produce, produce. This freight train of creativity ain't slowing down until somebody listens up and grabs what I'm throwing at them and makes me slow down.

I will invade as many avenues of creativity as possible. For being the end of my first month in this new experiment of unrelenting productivity I must say it is really going to start getting interesting. My next major objective is to get this screen play revised for the ka-gillionth time.

It's title is no longer Pack Rats... (title pending) I must first read this 400 page book about the essence of story. Then I will strike might and hard with the red pen. I have a feeling the movie laying under the surface of this script is far better than I had originally planned. As I absorb this book by means of Osmosis I will indefinitely arise like the phoenix from the ashes of suckiness to the heights of awesomeness. or at least I hope...

Sorry about that, I have been editing my poetry book these last couple of days.

All work, no play... When does it end...

Everyday is beginning to be the same, wake up, start writing, check email, wander around for something to drink, debate about a shower (eventually I give in), back to writing, reading about writing, more writing, revise writing, check email, and hope something different gets thrown into the routine. With the exceptions of briefly interrupted sessions of video games this is my day and it is about twelve hours long.

Produce, production, stress, more production, work, work, work, is all that is happening, but without pay. Only the hope of pay, not even the promise of it. Why I pick such non lucrative ventures is beyond me. I think I love the struggle, or rather am obsessed with it.

After putting art on hold indefinitely I think that the only thing as frustrating and as hard to be successful at could have been writing. Maybe next I will decide to be a stand-up comedian since I am so awful at career choices. It is almost like I am trying to pick the hardest route on the most difficult path.

I would not call my journey the road less traveled, but maybe the road no one should travel. It seems to be chalk full of detours, dead ends, and one way-wrong way alley ways.

Pit stops over. Time for me to get back on the road... I've got places to be... I think.

My new Bible...

Well, I picked up The Book, Story by Robert McKee, after class today and oh, it's soooo on. This book will not leave my side until I have read it through and through. It is only 400 something pages so it shouldn't be too bad. Some light reading you know.

I don't think I have ever been so psyched to read anything ever... I take that back, Outliers by Maxwell Gladwell was my other most insanely wanted book. Once I got my hands on that bad boy I read it in like a day... Two actually.

I am truly interested in the craft of writing. I have realized this sparked interest in writing is because of the unknown. Not to say that I mastered art, but as my craft, there were no new surprises. I was pushing myself as far as could be pushed... And no one was pushing back.

This writing thing, because of my ignorance is a whole new world. I need to seek advice. I have to listen to others. I am not breaking uncharted waters. I have again renewed a sense of creative struggle. I cannot so easily bring what is in my mind, to reality. I haven't figured out my proper channels of creative focus and expression... I am learning all over again, but I will be great. I am determined. I can learn this. It will take more concentration than I have ever had to use towards any of my creative endeavors, but my reward could be far greater.

I Do not have high hopes or lofty dreams, but what I do have is a strong imagination and good sense of expression. I have the life experiences and interesting characters. Now I just need to correctly channel all of this into proper concepts of success.

I do not aim to be monetarily successful. Let me clarify. What I aim to achieve is becoming fluent in another craft and turn out emotional responsive work. Namely, work that makes a person laugh. Lines that people want to recite. Stories that people want to reminisce over. Characters that people want to be for Halloween, or wish they had as friends. To bring fantasy to reality. That is what I want to achieve as a writer. I do not want to be the best writer, but I do want to know the craft and be able to wield a pen with a somewhat skillful hand like the stroke of a brush. Maybe not with the same intricacy, but I want to be damn good.

That is what I want to do with writing.

Whoo, that was a mouthful...

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

Done.

Vampires EVERYWHERE!

Where I live is like no other. I swear it is a retirement home for the criminally insane. As I finished my previous article I went to the bathroom, but unknowingly another person was using the bathroom whom will remain anonymous. Meanwhile another is in the living room watching Bigfoot programs on maximum volume. I ask if anyone ever goes to sleep in this God forsaken place... The answer erupted a hail storm of who's and what's. Utter confusion and delusional rants to which I ignored as I drank the last of the good water,,, Don't ever drink the bad... You may ask how one can tell. All you got to do is smell it. But the good water actually comes in water jugs although it is not fresh, bought, or new, unless one considers someone elses tap water new. Here in nowhere's-ville where the retired vampires dwell we only use well water. From what well... Well, that's a story for another day. Maybe I'll tell you the one about the Pog (half man, half dog) or the one about the man faced goat in Africa that the villagers burned...

My time here is short so I say farewell. may your nights fill with sleep and your eyes not feel the gnarled winds of winter as mine do. Through the walls and across the floor which mice scamper, but not anymore. I think the cold killed them.

May my heater heat the room and not lay fire to my sheets as I see the sparks serenade me to sleep. This is my lullaby each and every night.

Falling behind...

I am beginning to realize how difficult this writing on a daily basis is. Mostly for the point that I have no new news. With the exception that my new and improved poetry book will be done hopefully tomorrow. Just waiting for it to upload to the publishing house.

Oh, and my literary agent discussed what my next move is for my screen play... Basically, all my writing projects are in the revision stage. It would be nice if I could just vanish off the face of the Earth for like 3 months and just have Pandora Radio station, Powerade, and enough food to keep me alive, but nothing really that tasteful. Then I could get all this writing stuff done. I really, really, really need to revise Picasso's Marauders. Especially since it is kind of in distribution through Barnes & Noble now. Yeah, really should have thought that one out.

But first, I really got to get this awesome book reference called Story by Robert McKee. It is considered the Bible of screen play writing and play writes. (or at least that's what the critique company suggested). It seems to be an industry standard. Read a couple reviews on it... Okay, read alot of reviews on it. I figure if I am going to take this thing seriously, might as well go the whole nine.

If you want to be considered a professional, one has to take into account what professionals suggest. I have tons to learn in this craft. It should keep me busy enough to not even think about painting for awhile.

I guess I will have to suppress all my other literary ideas for now and work on polishing the pieces I do have. I hate editing. I wish I had money to just send all this stuff out to an editor. I guess it is something I'll have to get used to. Even spending ten hours a day being productive is not enough time.

I have had to put my newest work on hold while revise my current work. I need an entire studio of workers designated to implementing my ideas.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, just frustrated...

I'm cool now.

Got to go to bed.

Teaching the kids tomorrow,

tomorrow,

it's only a day,

away...

Actually, it's today.

Good night.

The Verdict is in...

I got my professional critique of my screen play back and there were alot of things to think about. I pretty much didn't push hard enough. All in all they said it to be a so-so piece.

-They said the plot was weak. (particularly the second act)

-The central theme wasn't strong enough and although there was conflict it didn't start early enough for the characters to develop.

-The title although catchy didn't tell anything of the story and needs to be changed.

-Too much slang for one of the characters.

-The homosexual character is too offensive and needs to be changed.

-The secondary characters are to broad and flat.

-The log line is good, but needs pushed, and the synopsis is good, but needs shortened.

-Dialogue needs shortened. More character interaction.

Now with all that being said, there were some outstanding points to remember. This is the most professional, unbiased opinion I have had of any creative endeavor I have ever had. For this being my first screen play I consider it to be a good starting off point. Everything they said was 100% right on the money. I am going to take every ounce of criticism and apply it to my script. I want this to be a polished work worthy of earning power.

They did love my characters, so my character development is pretty good, though there is always room for improvement. They like my strong visual sense of writing. Everything that is problematic I think I can fix. This project isn't quite out of the realm of possible completion. I am confident that I can succeed.

I will put all other projects on hold until this screen play is complete.

Adventurer's Depression... AND A WRITING EPIPHANY!

I don't know how to say this, or what it is. I have entered a creative drought again. I dislike them very much, but this one is different then the normal ones. They very rarely strike me, but when they strike they hit hard. I made the mistake of reading my recent novel on the plane ride home. I would just pick spots and casually read it... BIG MISTAKE.

I have decided that it is utter crap. GARBAGE. A disgusting use of words that doesn't qualify as a novel. It has discouraged me with writing my current novel. I know it is better, but I dislike not being good at something creative since I consider that my best skill. I know I need practice and it takes years and blah, blah, blah. It is just what I read in that novel is obscenely sucky.

I don't even want to write this, but I promised myself to stick it out. I think Picasso's Marauders (the horrid novel) will not be making it through any more revision. I think I am going to rewrite it as a screen play which is what I intended it to be anyway. I am much more confident in my skills as a screen play writer.

I will not take the book off of Amazon as I want to see how sucky my first attempt is. I put it out there and although I am ashamed to call it anything, but what it is... A load of wasted paper. It still is a part of my art and it would be naive of me to claim it as anything else. I have created horrible paintings, but I don't merely toss them in the can to never be viewed again. I keep adding or rearranging until the composition forms something aesthetically pleasing.

So, if I don't believe in this work as a success I must push it in another successful direction. So, I will continue with writing my new novel and transform my first novel into a screen play. I will no longer refer to it as even a novel that's how much of an injustice it does to writers everywhere. My next one will blow it out of the water.

I feel better now declaring it a complete flop. Sometimes one has to step back and with an unblinking eye be able to call a work the truly complete flop that it is.

I have been reading a book called the First 5 Pages which has helped me to understand the craft of writing and appreciate it's nuances way more. Some say it takes the first hundred pages to get into a novel and discover a voice, but then one realizes those first one hundred pages are trash... Well, I believe that was my first novel. I think I wrote a incoherently, illogical, unthought out piece of two hundred and thirty-two pages of complete literary slop.

It has taken me a month and half to realize it, but I took a look at it and there are so many things wrong I do not think there is anything I could to right all the wrongs in it. I though of it as a film. I wrote it as if it were a film. I tried to categorize it as something that is not. I realize that, and now I must make it into what it is I originally thought it out to be.

For people that will buy the book all I can say is that it was and is a stepping stone of great things to come. Without the disgustingness of Picasso's Marauders I could not have had the confidence to keep exploring this new craft.

I guess, unlike my art, I have learned that writing can not be rushed. It is a slow and arduous task. Also, like art, I must do it for myself and not for the hopes of money (that I will keep for screen plays).

I have learned by the writer's craft that I do not want to be famous, or rich, or any of those things. Like my art, I want to be good... Great... Better than anybody else I know. That is not confused with wanting to be the best. As an artist I never wanted to be the best. I wanted to be better than anyone else I knew. It is the same with writing. Now that I understand what I want out of this I am going to slow down. Breathe. Pace myself... And, I am going to write the most damn awesome story I can. Not a movie. Not in a month. I am going to write MY NOVEL, in the TIME I want, AND HOW EVER LONG IT TAKES ME IS HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES ME.

My time is done and the the city is but a another memory...

The City, or as I like to call it San Francisco (there is only one The City and that is NYC). Surprisingly, I liked it. A hell of alot more Asian than I anticipated, but I liked it. I spent most of my time in San Jose... Again, awesome.

I still can't get over the fact of how much I liked about San Francisco as the locals there despise the terms Frisco and San Fran.

Good art scene, descent people, good culture, and it didn't rub me the wrong way. Can't really find much at fault with it besides being expensive and occasionally falling into the ocean (earthquakes) wouldn't mind living there.

Back to reality though. I am now in ohio. Back to the grind. I think Cali cleaned out my lungs a bit. I feel fresher. My mind seems refreshed. I think I needed a good bit of culture shock and S.F. is exactly what I needed. Now it is time to battle Jet lag.

I will post the two pictures I took tomorrow. I am too tired tonight.

Off to San-Fran-Sisco

Heading into the city today and spending the night. Going to take pictures and experience the west coast, or I guess a better way to put it is the west coast is going to experience me.
Should be an action packed day and a half. Should be interesting. Going to take a shower and eat a happy meal. Be back with analysis of the days to come when I get back on home soil. For now just checking in.
Productivity low, just gather experience for now. Sometimes you got to put goals aside and make room for a little bit of life experience...

Especially, when it includes checking out a live attending of Point Break as an interactive play. It's supposed to be one of the awesomest things ever and I expect no less.

San Francisco Avatar 3D

Seen it... Awesome! Got to keep this short and sweet. Landed in Californ-I-A with no delay. Kinda rainy. No deep thoughts. Been here a total of 3 hours. Maybe I'll go to school at DeVry. Since it is across from the theater. Just kidding.
But really, Avatar was pretty cool. Kind of reminded me of a really cool video game. Wish I was ten feet tall and blue with some hot alien chick digging me.
No deep thoughts for now... I'm on vacation.

Another day, another San Fransisco

In less than twenty four hours I will be out on the west coast, touching down in San Fransisco. I will be there and San Jose amongst other places seeing sights and enjoying being the social person that I can be at times. Haven't packed and don't really care. I had to play video games. Need it to say, that I have not been very productive this week. Don't really care. I knew there would be lapses going into this productivity thing.

I will just have to start a new when I get back. It has been an eventful week and will only get more so. My Uncle passed... Rest in Peace Uncle Joe "Sonny". I enjoyed playing penny anty when I was a youth at his house in Warren and swimming in the summer.

I also received a letter from Chatham County Corrections informing me that the young men that robbed me of my wallet and my Big Mac 9 months ago got out on early probation. I guess that is to be expected for 12 counts of armed robbery between them. I mean, they did only stick us up with a REPLICA AK-47. Plus, like the letter said, " It was just to crowded for the most dangerous of the pack. He didn't even get time served. It was just to crowded for him so they had to let him go... Awe... :(

On to good news. I am leaving Ohio today! Yes, Yes, and YES!

I do not know if there will be any daily blogging going on while I am out and about, but be fore warned... It could have some intoxicatingly interesting words. SO I apologize now in advance. SOORY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, AND.............................. SORRY.

Bye, gotta go pack, I guess.

3 New Year's goals done... 21 more to go.

I have eliminated three of the twenty four goals off my list of 2010 goals.

1. Order more business cards- DONE

2. Resubmit Picasso's Marauders now available for purchase- DONE

3. Submit Screen play for professional critique- DONE

21 more goals to go. I think I got this. All I really need to do is knock out two a month. I am already ten chapters into my new novel. I aim to have it done by the end of February. That is my goal, not including revising. I think I can also knock out those children's books in one month, no problem. Maybe start those in March.

Two days and counting...

I am ready to leave behind Ohio once again, this time to further venture onwards. The destination one day stay in San Fransisco and four days in San Jose. Many people have asked why I am going and I have no real reason. A good friend invited me to come out there for five days and I think that is reason enough. Luckily, I have just finished up the awards banquet for my students at Central Ohio Art Academy and will be able to go revive my creative juices with a little bit of beer hockey and sunshine hopefully.

Right now I am creatively frustrated though. Not in the sense that I cannot create, but the opposite. I want to create so much that there is simply not enough of me's to go around. There are about eight projects I want to be working on right, or rather eight projects I need to be working on right now. There are no deadlines, but I just really want toi have them started on.

I have begun writing the poetic children's novel yesterday. I tried to put it off as long as I could, but thought I needed a break from the new novel so I have begun writing it.

I think I need a a good break. This 12-16 hours of productivity a day is really quite draining. Who would of thought?

Kids art show....

I have been pretty busy lately and will possibly begin work soon on writing a play for one of my students at the Central Ohio Art Academy. Not quite sure how to write plays, but I am definitely going to give it my best, which is usually enough.

Yesterday I judged the children's art show and it was my first time judging anything. Guess I am surprised that anybody actually takes my opinion for something of substance. Everyone got awards. Every piece got a ribbon. There were alot of first. not so many seconds. and not so many thirds... But it got me to thinking. I used to love getting trophies. So I am thinking of making trophies for myself when I reach certain goals. I think that would be really neat.

Anyway, without further ado, here are some pics of some of the work. I will have better pics in the days to come. Sorry if they are a bit out of focus. Especially, the giant Leopard out of metal and the huge magic mountain.

Braingasms of a literary sort...

Ever since I opened up Pandora's Box on this whole writing adventure it is like my brain has been waiting for this. It almost seems like a natural revolution in my artistic career. Words have more and more entered my work. When I look back at my creative process it shouldn't have been a surprise that my work would eventually take me to the point I am at. I am not saying I am good at writing novels, but other forms I think I excel at.

I believe my poetry is something not to be underestimated. It could be my way of thinking or speech articulation, but there is something in the way write and express myself that happens not only to be unique, different, and creative, but also interesting to others. I enjoy writing, but if others did not find it equally as interesting or in some cases more so. Then I would not continue on exploring it as a means for income.

People say, "Oh, you should do it for your self. Art is something an artist creates out of unspeakable passion to express one's self. I say this is a load of pa-tuey!

I create art out of a necessity to get thoughts and ideas out of my head. Ideas and concepts of a visual nature constantly bombard my brain and without emptying the valves I'd become clogged and insane. I create not for me, but for others. I create not out of seeking approval, but out of the necessity to inform. I believe my greatest gift is to bring unimagined images into a concrete form and possibly enlightening discussions on aspect of society that would other wise take to serious of an overtone. Thus, causing people to avoid the subject matters altogether. If a subject can be brought into a humorous light people are much more willing to engage it. Or if it is shown in a different way that causes people to interpret it in another light then that is what I am aiming for.

That is my goal. That is why I create. If it has to be done in a painting then so be it. If it has to be done in a novel, so be it. Whether it is through poetry, plays, films, free-styling on a microphone, print making, mixed media, children's books, illustration, posts, flyers, where ever I need to go to get to the audience that I need to get to you better believe I am going to do it.

My goal isn't to be rich(though there are worst things in the world.), it isn't to be famous (there are enough of those people in the world...Ain't my style), it isn't to be the best artist in the world. My goal is to get people thinking, asking questions, laughing at themselves, or bettering themselves by helping others or even if it means just being a less materialistic-ego maniacal-consuming-thoughtless-reality tv watching-lazy-self absorb-uncultured-ignorant-over religious-bigoted-racist-homophobic-anti Semitic-all around dufus on humanity's already tarnished image. OH, and ENOUGH WITH THE CELEBRITY WORSHIP!

I think people love putting celebrities on pedestals that way when they fall from grace it makes the average Joe Shmoe feel so much better about their life as a failure by watching another's imperfections get blasted. It's an evil business watching others's lives crumble and getting a weird satisfaction out of it. It is the lowest form of entertainment in my mind, then again maybe I am just filled with too much empathy towards my fellow man.

31 and on the attack...

I have started the ball rolling. I awoke today with a renewed sense of determination which I have a feeling I am going to have to do plenty of this year. I started early and knocked off some things on that pesky "To Do" list of 2010. I registered my screen play with the WGA (Writer's Guild of America, West), tried to pursue a copyright as well, but being that it is a government run sight I couldn't get past the new user login... Go figure, and they want to run health care?! Kind of scared about that, but that's a topic for another day. I also submitted my script to be formally critiqued and am now waiting on confirmation. Hopefully there will be no bumps along the road and it will come out pristine. If so, then I am on to getting an agent and am already in some correspondence with some interested parties.

Besides that, it is business as usual. Saturday I will be judging the children's art work at Central Ohio Art Academy and then Sunday I will be presenting awards and trophies at Eastern Palace to the winners. Although, they are all winners... All of them get awards, some are just bigger than others. I think I will post pieces up on here. I think I am going to post all of the art on my website in it's own section. Haven't decided yet.

Wednesday I am off to the sunny side of the west coast, San Fran to be specific. Then it's on to San Jose. This year is starting off with a bang to say the least. Things aren't really falling in place as I had planned, but then again I don't really have a place for them to fall into. So, all-in-all I would have to say that everything is going better than expected.

This productivity thing really kicks butt. I should have made this a goal so long ago. I think this is how successful people really do get successful. Focus, determination, motivation, and an unrelenting vision on what the outcome is to be with all steps leading to that finale.

No matter how small, or how large, the key is to just keep on moving forward. Even if you get set back, you got to just pick yourself up. Dust your self off, and be like, "Hot DANG! I'm gonna wup this life a new tail!"...

I'm not too sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it means something. A little sadden that I have had to put my mandarin on a back burner, but I also have decided to in it's place write a one woman show for a student at the art school who just doesn't find her theatre class at school testing her true potential. The hardest part was figuring out the demographic... After all it has been awhile since I was a thirteen year old girl.

I have an idea for the play, a concept. The craziest part is I know the exact last line word for word and what the play will be about. Possibly even the title. Have to do some research on a play format, but it can't be that hard, right? If I can get it produced through her private school which, then we can get this thing into production. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to add play write to my list of accomplishments.

I will give you a hint as to what it is about. A girl who is dealing with self identity, dreams, success, failure, and the realistic coming to grips with her own self, but as a comedy. I don't want anything too serious. That is all funny stuff , right? Plus, there is going to be tons of interpretive dancing... Lol...

I will call this opus... "Be"

p.s. I am still writing my second novel, just in case you're wondering. It's coming along quite swimmingly. I am 5o pages into it and have managed to kill off two characters AND work in two original Blues songs. As sang by the fictional character Morris Redding, aka, Mr. Mo "Blues" Red. At first I was worried about telling anybody about this book idea then I realized if someone can write it faster than me and tell it in a better way, so be it. But I ain't scured (that's scared in dirty south dialect).

Stomach to brain... NO MORE COOKIES...

Today for my birthday I decided to revert back to my childhood aspirations to see how many big ol' chocolate chip cookies I could eat and how many hours of video games I could play.

Well, I am glad to report that I now feel disgusting. My eyes heart in the back of my head and I have definite stomach pains. This did not help my productivity although I did manage during all that to pump out 2000 more words on my novel, but OH my belly.

I think I have cookieitis. I guess at 31, one becomes no longer immune to the sweet delicious pains of consuming way too much of a good thing. All I want to do is take a nap. I may have to cancel dinner plans as I do not want real food. My binge of cookie awesome has served me well in cancelling out my desire for real food. Although... Come to think of it, I could go for a Philly cheese steak from Mr.Hero. (it is by far the awesome Philly I have ever had)

That shall be my birthday wish... Please birthday gods deliver me an awesome Philly cheese steak with waffle fries and hot cheddar and all would be good on this most glutinous of days.

No deep thoughts, no profound statements about the world around me, as according to me. Just the dreams of a sweet, greasy, mushroom and pepper Philly cheese steak from Mr. Hero.

There is only one of the restaurant left in all of ohio. I think that is because it is good. Much like a Bizarro Demolition Man World "Anything deemed good, thus is illegal" So I think Ohio is trying to get rid of the only decent Philly stop in the state. Aaarrrrgh! I must get my steak before they get rid of the place.

Now I can think of nothing more than that stupid, grease stained bag of hot deliciousness.... Mmm... Deliciousness...

Got to go!

The Big Three...One...

Fifteen minutes before another marker in my travels of wisdom. The 13th of january falls upon me again and much like last year I am still in Ohio, but much unlike last year things are on the change... Namely the winds of motivation, determination, and inspiration. All of these things are now intrinsically woven into my being... Whatever that means.

Okay, enough with all the outlandish talk, basically, i am on a creative Tour de force and I am not accepting anything less than absolute success. I have never tried this frame of thinking so I figure what the hell. Instead of aiming just to accomplish something. I am not only going to accomplish said goals, but make them a way that I may sustain a comfortable living.

After all that is my ultimate goal. No more crappy J.O.B.'s

Short and sweet that's how I'm going to keep it this year. With a side of productivity and a whole lotta butt kicking new exploits.

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Blogger Block...

Not much to say. To have something noteworthy and poignant everyday is harder a task than I thought. Then again I did write over 4000 words in my novel today. I think that is the equivalent of like ten or more pages.

I am falling behind on my 2010 goals even though they are a bit ambitious. I must not give up. I have to remind myself that a learned pattern of routine change will take some getting used to. So as long as I stay vigilant in my drive to strive for making myself into the person I want to become I must understand that there are proverbial bumps in the road.

Tomorrow I will attempt to try anew. I will not be discouraged because of the brief lapse in routine. I will get back on schedule and must focus on the positive. Productivity wise I am making extreme leaps forward in the writing of my novel. Also, I have my first novel done. I have restocked and redesigned my business card. I ordered a new atm/debt card. I have got all my banking in order. I have been exercising regularly. I have entered a few art competitions. Updated my website. And I have a copy of my poetry book that needs to be revised and put into a new form. All and all not bad for the first two weeks of the new year. Oh, and I have my screen play completely revised and ready to be sent off to the literary agency.

I may have fallen behind in some goals, but it is all about pace and I must remeber there are 365 days in this year and I have, but finished 11 of them...

With that I say good night and may all your endeavors be as productive and successful as mine are going to be.

The Blues to me...

Ain't nothing I feel stronger than that sense of the Blues,

In my soul and out my pen,

On my paper and through my thoughts.

One in the same it ain't Hip Hop.

Though it used to be,

but now it's not.

Confused

and

so simple.

One time,

Two bits,

Three strikes.

One fight,

One life,

One way to go.

I never sang.

Never dance, but when I did...

When I would, I could, if the motion striked me right.

A happy, sappy, sort-a-blues-type-a-pick-a-low.

Not that ol' fashioned git' tar,

fashioned too small.

My type of music that makes me unsick,

with delicious licks,

and vicious words.

The truth comes out no bluer and truer than in the Blues them'self.

Fell back in to old routines...

Well, today wasn't too productive. Taught art at Central Ohio Art Academy. That wore me out something righteous. I got 3 of those kids doing some highly conceptual experimental mixed media. They are definitely troopers. The level of work I expect from them is nothing short of spectacular and they are definitely succeeding beyond my expectations. It's like having 3 clones working on 3 intense projects simultaneously in an area maybe 20' x 20'.

My mind is on overload, all the while I can't help, but think about my novel that I am neglecting. It has only been a day, but I already feel my characters becoming upset with me at the fact they stay stuck on pause. Pretty soon they are going to start acting up and I will have a hard time wrangling them back in. Tomorrow I swear I will get back to them. I think they are mad at me. They haven't got to hear there daily dose of Mississippi Jones, Bob Dylan, and Mr. Woodie Gunthie. The soundtrack to my novel... If there is such a thing. It keeps me grounded.

Anyway, I'll be judging the children's art next week. Pretty excited, never got to judge a show before. Tons of great art. No idea who will be winning. Everything is so good.

Sorry I don't have nothing witty to say or sarcastic. I guess in the words of Ice Cube, " Today was a good day."

I will be back to my ol' cynical self tomorrow. Got to keep these daily's going you know? Part of that New Year's thing and all.

Straight edged and rough...

I have had this inkling recently to cast my self preservation of technology to the side and say, " Hey damn it! I want to be old school and do things the way they used to be done. Nothing too crazy, just wanted to start using a straight razor to shave.

All I have heard from people ever since this epiphany is the equivilant of the mom from The Christmas Story, "Your going to poke your eye out". Except it is replaced with, "Your going to slit your throat." like for some reason all of a sudden I am going to lose my ability to grasp the concept of the razor. So I have been researching these razors and there are some pretty sweet ones out there. (The real reason I want one is because freaking Mach-a-millions cost so much for refills that a nice couple hundred dollar straight edge will earn it's money back in a year's time AND THEY LAST FOREVER.

Now, what I got instead was the equivilant of a highly economic one. NOTE: When choosing items such as food and instruments of death used to manicure one's face I tend to go with the pricier stuff, as cost is usually equated to quality 9 times out of 10. This razor I was using, although brand new was like shaving with a dull butter knife. It was more of a hassle than it was worth. I would have had better luck picking up a steak knife and hacking away. So I stopped.

Then I realized I had left my glorious Mach 18 in NYC a couple of weeks ago on a trip. Need it to say that it has been awhile since I shaved. I had NOTHING! And tomorrow I am to teach children art. I looked like I had mange.

Luckily, my mom was getting home when she said she had some razors. It was a close call... So I thought, until she preceded to pull out some kind of disposable plastic razor that were caked with rust and what appeared to be gummy bears. So there in lie my choses... A butter knife or a rusty shovel. I chose the rusty shovel.

Thank god I have the hands of an artist and could probably shave with a machete if I had to. It wasn't the closest shave. And it definitely wasn't the best shave, but I didn't cut myself, nor did I need a tetanus shot afterward. Although, at age 30, it was by far the worst shaving experience I have ever had.

Tomorrow I am going to pick up a mach 200 for emergencies like this just in case. And I think I am going to wait until I can afford to get the straight razor I want. I have now added another thing to which the cost equates the value... Here are my one's so far... Electronics, fruit, meat, paint, boots, and FACIAL RAZORS (whether they be straight edge or not).

I am sure there are other items, but this is all I have experienced for now and every once in awhile there is an exception to the rule which opnly makes the rule that much more true.

Here is a list of things that I never pay a high price... NEVER!(but are necessities, at least to me)

1. SUNGLASSES

2. bathing suits

3. pens

4. lighters

5. wife beaters (white or colored tank tops)

6. powerade/gatorade

7. water (only tap for me) unless in another country, but I never am.

8. t-shirts (a designer t-shirt is an oxymoron)

9. tennis shoes (except on rare occasion, Pumas are the only way to go)

10. a hat of any type be it winter or summer wear

Snow bad for artist, good for writer...

I hate snow... Always have, always will. Although now I have a greater appreciation for it. Me being a poor mixed media artist I worked outside a great deal especially when using harsh chemicals, resins, or spray painting. All of which are my favorite past times. I was working in my garage/studio when I would do this. When it was hot out it was awesome, but when the frigid cold came a calling it became very frustrating. Me being the stubborn person that I am would just refuse to stop and up my doses of alcohol and layers of socks, pants, and hats until it was tolerable, but this still did not help when substance and materials needed to cure. Sometimes my work would have to simply stop due to mother nature.

Now, on the flip side I noticed when I was walking this morbidly obese brown lab (whom the owner is I will leave anonymous as to not shame there animal abuse and neglect.) One of my many good deeds that always goes punished. I have been writing my second novel as you should very well know, but probably don't because nobody reads these ridiculous ramblings.

The snow was coming down by the bucket fulls today and I was very grateful because I wanted nothing more to go back into my writing womb. The world in which my creativity flows because I have nothing else. In this little cubby hole of a room barricaded in with technology is where I write. Crap, it's probably where I spend 95 % of my day. If you saw where I lived you wouldn't blame me. Anyway, my point being, that unlike my art, writing seems to flourish in the most isolated of habitats. Unlike art, the less stimuli and interaction with the real world the more productive and inspired one becomes. One simply lives in the written world. It is easier to be sucked in and thus easier to create because there is rarely a transition from one reality to the other. The snow gives me an excuse not to go out, not to look for a job, not to do anything I don't want to do, or do anything I want to do. It is the perfect motivator. I now have a greater understanding why writers always prefer that stereotypical log cabin wintery ideal with music playing.

I prefer the lack of comfortability as well. Just give me the internet so I can get pandora. com radio, something to drink (preferably cranberry juice, Dr. Pepper, or Mountain Dew), a shag carpeted floor to sleep, a stopwatch, a bathroom where I can take a hot shower and I am good to go. Oh, and a xbox360 w/ John Madden football just in case I need to do something or than write.

Writing is something that is best done alone, without in stimuli, and no distraction. Also, it best to be void of all human contact with perhaps slight moments of brief interaction so one doesn't go completely into the 11th dimension. Not that I don't like people I just find a majority of them to be highly annoying. I'd much rather be a recluse and then go to a real city for a week or two and live it up and then go back to the desolate lands of nowhereville's Ohio. There I can always feel under appreciated and completely worthless which is exactly what I need to keep pushing me towards my creative apex... Wonder if that's a word... Pretty sure it is and pretty sure I used it in the right context.

So, to sum up the lesson for today... Being an artist in winter... SUCKS! Being a writer in winter... The COOLEST thing ever!

Oh, and on a side note... How come whenever AI have a job I never have any money and don't do anything fun, but when I don't have a job I get to go to fun places and do cool things. Makes me wonder why I ever get crappy jobs at all...

Oh, yeah! I enjoy being miserable? I guess. Sometimes I think I am struck with severe bouts of dementia (diarrhea of the mind and mouth), but aren't all artist at one time or another... At least the great ones are.

Not enough time in the day...

No sir, no say.

No way, no how.

Not enough,

but at the same time it's too tough.

What to do and what not.

Want not and waste not,

it's what's taught.

Through hard times

our hard thoughts

teach worn souls.

The Blues bring sunshine

to my mind,

even in the darkest of times.

I guess, brings the brightest dawn.

Creative Dilemmas

Well, the research for my new novel is coming right along... But there is a problem... I am developing a soundtrack of songs that I am listening to while I research. It is helping me to write the story in my head. Now here is the problem. I see the story in terms of a screen play, but it falls in a different order than the novel. It is all very confusing. Basically, I am seeing two different versions of the same story through two different views.

How does one incorporate music into a novel. I find it very important to grab the feel of the sounds I am listening to. They are almost as important to this story as the story itself. I hope my writing can do it justice because what I imagine is really, really good. I want to start writing like NOW! I don't have the patience for this research, but the more I do the better the story gets. Focus and patience.

I am so used to being able to pump art out quickly. I guess producing a novel in a month ain't necessarily at a snail's pace either. Guess, I'll be patient... I just better be finishing this thing up in march or I'm a be, not happy. Then I can get to work on making it into a screen play.

Always got to be having a deadline... Even if it is self imposed. It helps to feel the pressure of an expected due date.

Good Morning, Pataskala!

New York, Los Angeles, and other major metropolis beware for you know not what manifests on the outer banks of civilization. Some creatives l;ay dormant, festering in little dessilate lands lost in the middle of nowhere.

I am not intimidated, nor afraid of the entities of big city life. Instead I find it to be very intriguing while they go about their daily hustles of work, networking, hip routines, and savvy ideals. I sit brewing. Ideas, concepts, my imagination my only escape. My hunger grows stronger. My thirst more unquenchable.

Little do people know that in the farmlands of Ohio in a house that looks more to the liking of a white trash, hill billy an artist/ writer inside plans massive undertakings of a creative nature. It is easy to stay motivated and creative when you are surrounded by input.

Out here I am in a creative vacuum. My only inspiration is lands and lands of nothingness. The only one's to appreciate my work are through means of internet connections. My friends remain entrenched in stimuli. West coast, east cost, major cities. They have it easy. The expectation and drive is higher. He I could just rot away and know one would be the wiser... But that is not my way. Here I grow. Perfecting my craft and honing my skill. When I spread my proverbial wings people will not know from where I came. There are very few if any artist that practice with such strict discipline as myself. Here I go unnoticed, unacknowledged, under appreciated. Basically, a nonexistent existence.

Of all the artist I know, I know none that have the ambition, diversity, and overall academic training that I have. Along with the time and situations that I have been blessed with. Others would look at my situation and feel pity and sorrow for me.

Yes, I sleep on a floor of shag carpet. Yes, I can feel the frigid cold winds blow through the wall of my room as a heater sits by head keeping me from catching pneumonia. Yes, my living situation is likened to that of someone living in a third world country. Yes, I cannot go anywhere I wish of my own free will and accord. As there is nowhere for me to go. I am in fact a prisoner my only escape is my creative and drive for success. I would have it no other way. This forced isolation allows me the freedom and option to do the only thing I can... Write, art, and figure everything out that I need to in order to be successful. Everyday I awake, is another day I am driven to succeed. Their is only one way out and that way is success. It is my only option, my only choice.

The struggle is in essence what I believe to be the one true measure of a man's worth. If one is not willing to sacrifice for their beliefs than how can it be said that they truly believe anything. With misery and failure also comes great triumph with success. One's self worth will be ten fold to that of whom everything is easy. Nothing is deserved or entitled.

What fills my heart, mind, and body with passion is that of the struggle. My need for success. To sit in the belly of failure is only to know too well the perils of idleness. Everyday I am bombarded with ideas, goals, ways to succeed. I explore all that I can even though it appears to fall on deaf ears. My inspiration comes from this frustration. The more people ignore me, the more visually assertive my paintings become. The more dynamic my writing turns. With each sign of failed success my ambition only grows greater, my confidence only stronger. This is the way I work. Compliments only allow for complacency and pig headedness. I do not care who likes what. What fuels my fire are the non believers. The negative minds. These are who I aim to disprove.

So for those that say I am no writer, watch me as I produce another novel... And another... And another...

This may be the reason why I have lost interest in art for now. No one has told me I can't do anything. All I ever received were compliments (financial compliments are much better received by the way). My compliment bank is full. Compliments are for conceded people with low self esteem. Neither of which I am. I don't need compliments. I know I am good. I am a professional and professionals are good at what they do... That is why they are professionals, hence the word.

When a mechanic fixes your car, you don't say, "Boy, your really good." You expect them to be good. That is their profession. They are doing their job. So, when I create a painting I don't look to hear the same. Just pay me as it is my profession. That is all I ask. That is the greatest compliment of all. Nothing else matters. If I want to hear how talented I am I'll just ask my mom.

Jesus Research...

Currently I have begun researching Jesus in a non religious way. I have found some pretty interesting books which do not throw in too much christian propaganda. Not to be blasphemous, but I am honestly looking for sort of a timeline that just tells a non bias biography of his life. This has been pretty hard. Although now I have found some pretty good references.

Sorry there is no sarcasm or clever wit in this article as I am in my serious research mode. I have also written the intro to my upcoming novel. I am quite proud and once I get all my research compiled and an outline of this novel together I will be ready to pump out another creative literature work. This one is going to be a bit different. More literary. Hopefully, better as I hope to progress in skill level with each novel.

I will be attempting a new voice and format of writing in this novel inspired by Mark Twain. I am going to write in my own voice. Write how I want and say nay to all those who have written before me. I will be creative with my style and try and capture a bit of my visual technique into literary form. Hope it works. I think this one will have a more polished and clean aesthetic.

Short and sweet... That's how this is going to end. Off to play a game of Madden. I got my 12 hours of productivity in. Even with the internet down for a couple of hours... So take that stupid internet.

Concoctions of a creative mind... A dissertation laziness, dreams, and John Madden Football.

I wonder sometimes how other people's brain work. Their thought processes. Are they always thinking, wondering, imagining irrelevant ideas, and trying to form concepts on how to make one's self more intelligible?

I think just asking myself that , do others do the same. The more I learn about people the less I believe so. Most people don't think for thinkings sake. I'm no philosopher, but I just don't understand how people can be so mindless. Not to say they are stupid, but just that they think about a great deal of things that are completely and utterly stupid.

For instance, reality shows perplex me. Not in a way like most. I don't feel propelled to watch them, even as some would describe as a guilty pleasure. I simply just don't understand. Watching other peoples lives seems to be the biggest waist of time in all of existant time and space. Why? I have heard peoples explanations as to why it is entertaining and I guess that part of my brain does not exist. Whenever I hear someone say how they just can't get enough of a reality show I immediately think less of them. I cannot help it. Just the way it is.

Television is just that to me. Not to say there weren't shows that I liked. They always seemed to have an intricately interesting story line that somehow created sparks in my imagination or inspired me. Reality TV does not do that for me. Instead, the opposite happens. It's like it expands a void of nothingness and non creativity. In actuality, I would say that over the last couple years I have been turned of to television completely. The last show I watched with any conviction was the Sopranos. That was it...

Since eliminating television from my routine over these last 3 0r 4 years I have found an abundant amount of creativity and time to do everything I want. When people say they do not have time to exercise I believe that to be a farse. I do not know a single person I have ever met that does not have time to watch 30 minutes of television a day.

People have just grown accustom to not doing what isn't entertaining or instantly beneficial. Patience, determination, and a willingness to sacrifice is what I believe is going to be my keys to success. I understand that without great sacrifice one cannot truly gain great success.

I also believe that it takes time, work, focus, struggle, and more work. Then when all that is said and done, still, there needs to be more work done. One can never stop, if ambition and success is what one truly has a goal. Now, if it's a dream... Good luck with that. Dreams are ridiculous notions that lazy people believe in because they do not want to put in the leg work to achieve them.

A Goal is a concrete objective that is a dream taken from the abstract, sculpted, manipulated, and formed into a reality. Through planning, work, determination, and a will that doesn't accept limitations is how goals are achieved.

I never had a dream. Both figuratively speaking and as a concept. When I sleep I have horrible nightmares or realistic situations (which are about the closest thing to a dream I get). As a child I never dreamed of being anything. I never wanted to be an astronaut, or a dinosaur. The most absurd thing I dreamed about being was the color purple. Which I guess as far as dreams ago that is what they should be. An outlandish attempt at taking something completely abstract in form and wishing it to be a reality. Your reality.

My goal as a child was to be an artist. There were steps I had to take. I did those and with determination, hard work, focus, and ignoring other people's limitations placed on me. I would like to think I have achieved that goal. I am an artist.

I went to art school. I have had art shows. I teach children art. So, in all aspects of my goal... I am an artist. Now, being a successful artist is a whole other issue. That was to be my goal, but like life, goals can change. I am now on the cusp of a whole new set of goals. 23 of them to be exact. Will I succeed? I think so... No, I know so. With focus, determination, work, work, and more work there will be no other option, but to succeed.

I write things such as these not for people, not for me, not for anybody. I write things articles such as these to take words, ideas, concepts, and dreams out of the abstract and give them a concreteness. Once out of my head they become a reality. A tangible substance that I can look over, revise, edit. They become real. If others find comfort in seeing someone going through similar thoughts good. If not, that is even better.

I finally now realize why people watch TV. It numbs the mind... People don't like to think all the time... I do... That is what is different! Eureka! Zombifying the mind leaves one in a catatonic state where the pain of the world has a buffer zone. I enjoy to be emursed in the conflict humanity. I enjoy to test the limits of what I can imagine and create. I like to create concrete objects that verge on the edge of reality. I like to picture the unimaginable and then develop a set of plans as to how and create what cannot be created. Solving solutions to which there is no problem. Asking questions that have already been answered.

Maybe I have turned into an intellectual, although I find it highly unlikely because I still laugh at the most juvenile of humor and I really enjoy playing Madden football.

So, take this little rant as you may. It wasn't written for any particular reason, or person... Just figuring things out in my head and they seem to figure themselves out better written onto a screen for me to look at when the time is right.

Seven Hours of Productivity

Early morning cold.

Wind blows through my bedroom walls.

A heater not hot enough,

on a floor not soft enough.

Two pillows,

one comforter,

and a crook in my neck.

Arrested limitations as I wait in hesitation.

Sleepy eyed leg exercises meditating to the sound of ferocious beasts.

No begging.

No pleading.

A slow breath and a deep relief.

One hour of productivity.

Only six more to go.

This isn't my goal, but it is my aim.

Tomorrow it's twelve.

Maybe the next is sixteen.

Who needs sleep?

I'll do that when I stop to breathe...

Research, Write, Read, and Don't get discouraged...

I keep picking up more and more writing references in order to help me better understand what it is to be a writer. I am beginning to think this is a mistake. The more and more I research and read, the less and less I confidant I grow towards my writing. I may have to quit learning in order to become more educated if that makes any sense at all.

When I wanted to become an artist I didn't start out as a child studying books on how to draw. I simply drew. It wasn't until I honed my untaught skill that I truly needed guidance. The only problem with this thinking is that I knew I had a natural talent as an artist. Nobody has ever had to tell me I was good at art. I knew it. There is no set standard or rules to abide by when creating art. Unlike literature. There are rules of sentence structure, and other things that I don't even know about. I am beginning to think maybe I should just ignore these rules until I develop my voice as a writer. Once I feel comfortable with what I write then I will explore all that is improper with my work. Right now, I think it is more important for me just to write. That is my belief. I am already becoming discouraged with every article I read about writing. Where as before I was a writer it was actually fun to write.

So, forget the rules. I am just going to write... If people have a problem with it then they can edit my work for me. If not, well then just shut up... How about dem apples?

2010: The year of Determination & Success

The first entry of a new year... I have rebooted my motivation, determination, and strategies for success. I am going to create a creative blitzkrieg of product. Saturate the market with my creatively enlightened excrement. I will invade all avenues of of possibilities in hopes that one will work.

I am a naturally ambitious and determined person, but because of a horrible, horrible year last year I thought I had lost the war. My war waged against my own downfalls and lack of success. The negativity of the world had almost collapsed my inner being of determination. Yet, now I have regained my spirit.

I like the under dog mentality. It drives me more when I am told what I cannot do, cannot achieve, or that I should just try something else. I almost started listening to those people ( not really), but I like them to think that.

No idea is to ambitious. No goal is unachievable. This is my belief. I have given up on my dreams. I have no dreams. Dreams are things that are a figment of the imagination. The subconscious. I am more interested in reality. Goals. A path in which I can carve out for myself in order to achieve the success, ideas, concepts, and goals that I want. Not necessarily what I deserve, but what I will take.

In this world things aren't deserved, or given. There is no right to a sense of entitlement. At least not for me or anyone else I know. Materials, dreams, goals, everything must be earned. No excuses, no blame, no limitations. One must put all notions of these concepts out of the mind. There is only YOU. What YOU do. How hard YOU work. How motivated YOU are. How determined YOU are. With this frame of mind there is only one person that can stop YOU from accomplishing everything YOU want... And that is YOU.

With that being said, I am going to get everything I aim for on that list of mine. All 23 goals that I have, I will reach. Along the way I am sure there will be the people that think I am foolish and idiotic. That my goals are too over the top, but to this I do not respond. Let people think what they want. That is what people do. I however will push ever onward and in one year's time will have transformed my self into something astonishing. That is what I believe. That is what I will do. With my back against the wall the outlook seems dim, but I do my best work under pressure. Always have. This is the hardest test I have ever given myself, but I think I am up for the task.

I will transform myself from the inside out. While others make goals and resolutions of a superficial nature... Lose weight, get out of debt, exercise more... Blah, blah, blah... I am going to transform my entire being into an anomaly of creative enlightenment by working harder, producing more, sleeping less, pushing my mind, body, and soul through determined focus and discipline. This is my goal. This is my resolution.

This is my Tipping Point. After years of study and concepts I believe after reading Maxwell Gladwell's ,Outliers, that everything has aligned. It is time to take advantage of my full potential

push it to it's boundaries. Test both the right and the left side of the brain. The analytical and the creative. Through this I will be able to accomplish more than ever before I believe.

This is a test, an experiment. I want to see what type of person I will become with such outlandish determination and goals setting. I have never tried anything that I have not believed within my realm of completion. Although this is by far the most ambitious mission I have ever tried I believe I got it all under control.

If I can just keep at it with a constant pace and not fall behind for the first three months. Then I believe it will all become routine. Anything that is made a daily routine for 90 days becomes a set pattern of behavior at least for me. It breaks the mold of something and becomes a part of one's daily life. It doesn't have to be scheduled because it is just routine. Like sleeping, eating, and breathing. It will be necessary for my survival. And honestly, I believe for my survival as a successful person I believe this plan is mandatory. It is more than a lofty set of goals that seem NEAT to try out, but instead I believe are vital to my core as an artist, writer, and human being in order to achieve the enlightenment I wish to seek.

Well... That was a mouthful. I am done for now...

-Urban Monk over and out.