Aaarrrghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frustrations drops like a ton of bricks upon my head. Ideas I can't articulate. Concepts I can't execute. Goals I can't reach. Not because of drive, ambition, or effort. One or two simple reasons neither the connections, nor the right support. The plans sit in my head gathering dust and displeasure. At times it can be overwhelming because I know what needs to be done and it is almost within my reach except for minor details. One patron, one donor, one believer in my ability to succeed and this artist, that is I, would take off to the stars. Soar incredibly high with works that would transform both viewer and community. It is sooooo frustrating. I have never felt so much passion and eagerness for something so uncontrollably unobtainable. Much like my bold and innovative ideas, my art sits in storage, alone and in the dark. Times like these I remember why I quit art every now and again. It is so tough to keep a dream alive that gets kicked, shoved, and dismissed as non relevant. In no other profession that one invests so much time, money, and talent are people quick to disregard it as a non career. Something that one chooses to do because it makes one happy. This is one of the few professions that chooses the person, not the other way around. Others rarely understand THAT ( jealousy, I guess). It cannot be quit. There are no other options. It is either succeed, or... Well, succeed. There is no alternative. There is not a switch that can be flicked off. There is no way to not think of art... Trust me, I have tried. Tried to drown the ideas out every known way and they only come back with a vengeance. Bigger, bolder, better, and more beautiful than the last. Some say it is a gift to have such talent, but the curse lay at the truth of it. A gift that doesn't give back, but only takes is but no gift at all. The constant torment an artist must deal with is at times fun, but always tiring. The mind never stops. The ideas never slow. The passion never sways. It is unrelenting and always looming even when dormant. At any moment, any time, any where inspiration can strike and consume all that is artist. a creative sickness that has only one cure, to create. To release the ideas that stay in the cortex of the creative mind of the abstract and make a reality. No sleep, eat when must, and only clear thoughts are during the act of art. The only true time I never think about art is when I am creating it... How ironic is that? Art is everywhere and the ideas just keep on coming. Done, done, and done...

I'm going to bed! Good night! ARRRggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!